My Journey

Whether you would consider this a "ramble" or "journey" it really doesn't matter. All I know is that writing this isn't as easy as I thought it might be but I'll give it a try and who knows, maybe there will be something in what I say that could help someone with their quits.

The Dove means "Peace"

	The Butterfly means "Freedom" and a "New Beginning"

My life began to change over five years ago. It started when I needed foot surgery but was told I had to have a physical before the procedure could be done. The first test my family physician ran was an EKG. It came out abnormal. I was immediately sent to a cardiologist and after numerous tests I learned I had Coronary Artery Disease or CAD with anywhere from 60% to 99% blockage in my arteries. Surgery and angioplasty was too dangerous to be performed on me so the Cardiologist said, “We're going to treat you with medication and I will likely have to see you every three months. You have got to bring your cholesterol down and eat healthier foods. Unfortunately we can't do anything about your family medical history and genes and one thing for certain is you have got to QUIT SMOKING! Not only do you have CAD but you also have COPD. I can't make you quit smoking that is something you have to do yourself. If there is anything I can do to help just say it.”

Well folks that put a scare into me. I had tried to quit in the past and some of the ways I remember was a hand held computer (I think it was called LifeSigns) where you would record each cigarette you smoked and a few weeks later the computer would begin to taper you off until you quit……well that strategy didn't work for me. Then there was the nicotine gum and a mild tranquilizer and those didn't work either, the gum gave me heartburn and the tranquilizer kept me drugged and drowsy. Next was the nicotine nose spray which gave me an instant buzz. It was totally addictive (nicotine) and I began to get nose bleeds and a co-worker told me, “BubbaJames you got to stop using that drug, you're not acting right. If you have to, smoke….. but get off that stuff.” I stopped using it and went back to smoking.

In November 2001 I began to take Zyban along with the nicotine gum. In December 2001 I found an internet quit smoking support board called Blairsville. It was recommended to me by a couple of cousins who suspected it could help me. The quit support worked! Every time I felt a craving, needed advise, had to vent, or just wanted to laugh there was always someone there for me, day and night 24/7.

I'd only been there a few days when I received an email from someone who stated flatly they were offended by my name “Bubba”. I posted in BV and said I was leaving because the name meant a lot to me and I was sorry I offended anyone with it. It wasn't long before I received an email telling me to go take a look at the board. It was the most incredible thing I have ever seen on a support board. Every thread had a Bubba Ina, Bubba Dan, Bubba Jan, Sister of Bubba, Brother of Bubba, etc. That's the day I knew Blairsville was “special”. The people their at that time helped me more than they will ever know:

Rose (who loaned me Pepe because I was always making a "stink")

Pat (the fence), Sue (the fence), Mags (the fence), Cat (the fence), Carol (the fence), JudyT, Reg, Dan, Bob, TommyBoy, Blair, Paul, Trish, George, John, Scottish Ina, Scottish Alex, Janet K, Sherry, Charlene, Marsha Jan, Dawna, Kathy with the Hampsters, Wayne, Judy Q, Wendy <smile>, Donald, litlestar, Lyle, Gracie, Denise Marie, Cheryl(Chez), Ron Webber, Robert, Tristen, Val………the names are many and I wish I could remember them all. For those mentioned here I hope you don't mind, you really did help to change my life.

The other thing about Blairsville is that it taught me not only about quitting and staying quit from smoking but folks like Glenn and Paul who taught me about computers, graphics and having music in posts and creating web pages. So BV like FV was/is much more than just quitting smoking. It was/is about friendship, support, sharing, laughter, and so much more.

In December 2001 I received an email from someone named Mags in Texas, she wanted to know if I'd like to be her quit buddy since our quits were so close together. I accepted and Mags and I have worked together ever since not only in supporting each other but also in trying to help people quit or stay quit from smoking.

In February 2002 I slipped and had a few puffs off a stale cigarette butt. Everyone in BV begged and pleaded for me to get back to my quit, I did and didn't smoke again until a day or two before the death of my sister Sherry.

There is absolutely NO excuse for slipping or relapsing. Let's just say at the end of June 2003 my nephew came to visit with me at my mothers. He had a pack of cigarettes and without thinking I said, “Rob give me a cigarette.” He gave me an odd look and said, “Are you sure?” A small voice inside my head was screaming not too smoke but I just sort of blanked my thoughts out and lit up. It was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. I tried many times after that to quit and stay quit but no matter how hard I tried I would come up with an excuse to smoke.

In July 2002, I and a few others from Blairsville created another board called Freedom Village. Most all the original creators of FV are gone but those left put their hearts and soul in that board along with regulars like Lois & Liddie. If you stop by now and then you will often find posts from Mags, Bubba, Lois, Liddie, Kim, Kimmi, Maryanne, Shaine, Denise Marie, Cheryl (Chez), Gracie, Judy T, Julie, Val and Suz. There are many others who stop by now and then such as Tristen, Gord, Gram, Gail, Scottish Ina, Bob W, Lyle, Wendy B, Wendy <smile>, Butterfly Lady, Marsha Jan, Brother Dan, Nadine and whenever she can English Rose. Those not seen Mardie, Angel Mist, Max, Jody, Cindy Pearl, Ron Webber, Robert, Terry......... Every now and then you'll see posts from a newbie or a visitor from other quit smoking support sites saying hello.

This past year I owe my quit to each and every person in Freedom Village. I have to say though there was a few who made a huge impact on me during this quit. It's my sincere hope that I do not offend anyone when I mention these names, just know I love you all who read this and you've changed me greatly, for the good.

Kimmi came to my rescue one night, very early in this quit. My brother-in-law was visiting, he had gone out that night and I knew he had a carton of cigarettes in his suit case. I had a fierce craving and was ready to steal a pack from his carton. Typical of an addict, ready to lie and steal to feed the addiction! I went straight to the Village and posted……. (((Kimmi))) got back to me right away and the craving passed and I didn't steal a cigarette thanks to her.

Mags thank you for never doubting me, for supporting me through all my craziness, believing in Freedom Village and the people who use it. Do you remember when you reached your first anniversary? I think I said to you, “Mags you'll disappear just like everyone else who reaches their 1 year anniversary.” and I believe you said, “No I won't Bubba.” and you didn't…you've stuck by it ever since!

Lois & Liddie - LYMI (Love you mean it)

Suz thank you, you really are a friend who came into my life from God.

((((Chez)))) back atcha lady!

Kim I hope you aren't offended but……you and I are so much alike it's downright scary at times……LYMI.

Dan sorry I've been a pain in your side. Just know you've helped me to keep a straight path, you've been a friend who always forgave. Thank you Dan Renfro……I still smile when I remember that late night you and I tormented Kathy regarding her “hampsters”.

Last but not least…….what most people don't know is how I finally faced reality and started this quit……I owe thanks to Julie.

I got an email from someone in Blairsville. It was one that was “to the point”, she did not mince her words and yet I knew right away she wasn't trying to be hurtful but was trying to get me to be honest with myself and face the truth. She was successful because here I am now, smoke and nicotine FREE.

Here is an excerpt from something Julie said to me in an email from October 2005 which left a lasting impression on me and helped me not only to keep the Village but also my current quit,

“And never, ever, question God's love and plans He has for you. Perhaps this was all part of His plan? We aren't to question; just to have faith.”

Thanks for reading this,

Always,

BubbaJames

PS: I chose this date, December 25th as my quit because it is the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. You all know I am Christian and I know without God I would not be here. I'm mighty blessed to have this day to celebrate with all of you along with it being Christmas..........hold firmly to what you have, it only takes one puff to loose what you have worked so hard to achieve. Believe me when I say, "I know from experience."

Looking by U2