Got good clean jokes, pictures or "Fun Stuff Links"?
Send them to Bubba at:
Bubba's emails ...... Thank you Mags!
_______________________________________________________
Flat Tire
|
|
Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I ease my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully, get out of the car and open the trunk. I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so life like you wouldn't believe it! They are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to the approaching drivers. To my surprise, cars start slowing down looking at my life like men. And of course, traffic starts backing up. Everybody is tooting their horns and waving like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulls up behind me. He gets out of his car and starts walking toward me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!
'What's going on here?' 'My car has a flat tire', I said calmly. 'Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?'
I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him, 'Hellooooo, those are my emergency flashers! '
|
|
How do these people survive?
|
ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
|
|
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets. (Unbelievable but sadly true...)
____________________________________________________
TWO
|
|
I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
|
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider,' looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
|
|
She had no clue to what had just happened.
____________________________________________________
THREE
|
|
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy' .
(keep shuddering!!)
|
____________________________________________________
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker.. Now I can't get into my car.
|
|
Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself!!!
____________________________________________________
FIVE
|
|
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier,' the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the way!!
|
____________________________________________________
SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the
emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'
|
|
|
Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!
|
De-Stress
|
|
|
|
A strawberry blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off
the tail of her cat which was hiding in the grass.
She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to WAL-MART!
Why WAL-MART??
HELLOOOOOOOOO!
WALMART is the largest re-tailer in the world!!!
|
December 8, 2009 Texas Mags sent Bubba this email.
|
Friendship isn't a big thing; it's a lot of little things.
___________________________________
There were probably many, many times this past year when I may have disturbed you, troubled you, pestered you, irritated you, bugged you, or otherwise gotten on your nerves with all the e-mails I send.
So today I just wanted to tell you............
|
|
Suck it up, Cupcake!
Because there are NO CHANGES planned for the next year!
Love ya
|
Freedom Village Non-Smoking Forum - Click Here.....
|
|
|
Just a little reminder...........................
From Texas Mags
Some People's Daily Mission Is Simply To PISS YOU OFF.
|
|
|
|
Don't Underestimate an Old Dog
From Mardie on 02/2008
|
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking herfaithful, elderly poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the old poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming wit h the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen
them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says...
"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!
Moral of this story...
Don't mess with the old dogs...age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.
|
|
|
|
HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF
from various sites on the internet
|
|
 Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”
If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think.”
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
Staple pages in the middle of the page.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
type only in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times. “DO YOU HEAR THAT?”
“What?”
“Never mind, it’s gone now.”
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “No, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.
Ask people what gender they are.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”
|
|
|
|
|
Real Life Courtroom Quotes
from various sites on the internet
|
The Autopsy
|
Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
|
|
|
|
His First and Last Words on That Fateful Morning?
|
Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
Witness: "My name is Susan."
|
|
|
|
An Officer and His Radar
|
Lawyer: "And you check your radar unit frequently?"
Officer: "Yes, I do."
Lawyer: "And was your radar unit functioning correctly at the time you had the plaintiff on radar?"
Officer: "Yes, it was malfunctioning correctly."
|
|
|
|
Dad, hurry, come see the kittens!
From Kim
|
___________________________________
Government Health Warning
"DO NOT SWALLOW GUM!"
From Mardie
|
_______________________________________________________________________________________
Senior Citizens Are Cool...........................
From Mags
|
I hope that's sand in his shorts.......
|
That's some STRONG coffee!!!!!...
|
That varmint want be bothering us no more......
|
Please you're scaring the kids!!!......
|
_________________________________________________
|
|
|
& many more free games!
